A Walk Down Memory Lane
by A Classy Girl
Summary: Cammie Morgan changed Zach Goode's life: first for the better, and then for the worse.


**Hey there. Been a while...**

 **I haven't forgotten about this site or my desire to write. Just been living life and letting the pieces fall where they may. Anyways, I wrote this story a while back, when I was kicking around different story ideas.**

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 **A Walk Down Memory Lane**

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Her laugh was the first thing he noticed about her.

His buddies had dragged him to some house party of some classmate he couldn't care less about, and he was biding his time before Grant and Jonas were hammered enough that they wouldn't notice his inconspicuous escape. He knew their hearts were in the right place—they just wanted to take his mind off all the shit going on at home—but he was not up for this scene yet.

And then somehow, over all the heavy bass music and meaningless chatter around him, he heard that laugh.

He'd never been much for poetry, but her laugh made him want to write it. It was gentle and sweet, like a nice cup of cocoa after a day in snow. It was satisfying and filling like that first rip you make when you open a present.

He wanted to hear it again.

So he stuck around.

He wasn't so bold as to go up and introduce himself to her. She was with a couple of other girls, chatting on the other side of the kitchen, so he contented himself with sneaking peeks at her. She had long, blonde hair that she wore down, and was in a floral sundress that fell just above her knee. She clutched her plastic cup of beer to her chest like she wasn't sure what she was really supposed to do with it, and he couldn't help but think she was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen. When she smiled, it changed her whole face, and he thought maybe he could be content for the rest of his life if all she ever did was just send that smile his way once.

He tried not to draw attention to himself, but it was difficult. People from the party kept sending him sympathetic glances when they passed by him, or coming up to him to ask how he was doing, did he need anything, you know we're here for you man, blah, blah, blah.

Jonas made his way into the kitchen to "grab another drink" which he knew was code for "make sure Zach hasn't broken down yet." He leaned against the counter next to Zach and sipped his drink.

"You barely moved all night."

"Don't feel like it."

"Man, I know we dragged you out tonight, but we're just trying to help. We wanna get you back out in the real world."

"You wanna do me a favor?"

Jonas sighed, preparing himself for whatever sarcastic, defensive remark Zach had now. But Zach surprised him.

"Find out who that is." He pointed to the girl in the floral dress.

Jonas raised his eyebrows in surprise. "S-sure."

He took another gulp from his drink and made a beeline for the group of girls across the room.

Zach tried not to make it obvious that he was staring but he had to watch Jonas do this. He needed the verification. He watched as Jonas greeted the four girls, hugging the one nearest him that Zach recognized as Liz Sutton, the braniac in the grade above theirs. Liz appeared to make introductions between Jonas and the girl that had captivated Zach.

After a few minutes, Zach had nervously finished his drink and was working on Jonas' abandoned one when his friend wrapped up his conversation with the girls and headed back over to him.

"Well?" He asked as Jonas situated himself next to him again and stole his drink back.

"Her name's Cammie, only child, her family moved here a couple of weeks ago for her mom's work, and she's our age."

"That's all you got?"

Jonas gave him a bewildered look. "What else did you want me to get? Her social security number? Besides, I didn't want seem too eager, you know. I don't want Liz to get the wrong impression."

Zach rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. Jonas had been talking about wooing Liz Sutton for the last three years and yet three years had passed and still nothing had happened other than some seriously awkward math-based flirting.

"Why you so keyed up about this?"

"I'm not."

Jonas shrugged and let it go. It irritated Zach to no end. He was sick of everyone of treating his emotions so carefully, especially when Jonas had been part of the devious pair that had dragged him out tonight. He was not about to break down. "Look, I know you and Grant thought me coming out tonight would be good for me, but I think I'm gonna call it quits for now."

"Yeah, man. I get that." Jonas clapped a hand on Zach's shoulder in farewell. "But you gotta admit, you needed to get out of that house."

Zach didn't respond, mostly because he still wasn't sure if he agreed. He made his way out of the house, refusing to look back at the girl in the floral dress and avoiding at all costs the faces people adopted when they realized it was him passing them.

It was like they'd never someone with a dead mom before.

He got out into the fresh air outside and took a deep breath. Finally, away from all of them and their stares, he could breathe. Without acknowledging the people on the front lawn who called out to him he headed down the street. He only lived a few blocks away, and he could use the walk to clear his mind.

But a voice behind him stopped him short.

"Hey! Zach, right?"

He knew it was her voice. He'd never heard it before, but that voice matched that laugh. There was the same sweetness, that same feeling of satisfaction. It soothed him.

He turned around slowly. "Yeah?"

"Um, hi. I'm Cammie. Well, Cameron, but everyone calls me Cammie." She bit her lip, apparently nervous. "I'm heading home, but I'm new in town—I mean, you probably knew that—but I don't really know my way around the neighborhood yet—" She was rambling but like hell if he was gonna cut her off. He thought he could listen to her voice all night. "—And your friend Jonas overheard me say that I live on Woodland Road, and he said you do too and that you were just heading out, and so I was wondering if maybe, if you didn't mind…can I walk with you?"

Zach didn't respond right away, distracted by staring at her, and she backtracked. "Otherwise, if you want to walk alone, that's fine. I'll just walk behind you a ways. You won't even notice me."

He grinned a little. "No, it's no problem. You can walk with me."

She smiled at him in relief. "Great!"

He waited for her as she crossed the short distance between them, and then they set off together, side by side.

And that was how Zach Goode met Cammie Morgan.

That was night, he'd look back on for years and note as the single most important moment in his life.

Because Cammie Morgan changed Zach Goode's life: first for the better, and then for the worse.

 _~i carry your memory with me everyday. the weight of it is pushing me into the dirt.~_

Cammie Morgan was like a tidal wave. She came in and flooded every nook and cranny of Zach's life with herself. He welcomed it, encouraged it. He was addicted to her.

His friends were glad to see him reaching out to someone, connecting to someone. They'd seen the pain he'd gone through the past year as his mother struggled with her disease and then after she'd passed, the mess that was left of him. They genuinely thought Cammie was what he needed to recover. She molded into their group so quickly and so easily, it was as though her spot had always been there, waiting.

In reality, Zach was really in no position, mentally or emotionally to enter into any kind of serious relationship, and Cammie certainly wasn't prepared for one either. And yet, they tumbled into one anyways.

They were inseparable, spending every spare moment possible together. They had met at the end of July and by the time school started, Zach was sneaking into Cammie's room at night, three houses down from his.

As often as he could, he made her laugh. Every day, he seemed to learn something new about her to love. He loved the way her nose crinkled when she laughed and how her long hair flowed down her back like a waterfall. He loved how she said his name especially when she was trying to be serious and called him Zachary. Most of all, he loved how when he was with her, all of his problems felt insignificant.

They grew dependent on each other and relished in their shared need for each other, while at the same time, it began to concern the people around them.

Zach's father was still in a fog from his wife's death, but Cammie's parents began to voice their concerns that their children were moving too fast. They were barely eighteen, there was no need for them to be getting so serious right now, they said.

It only drove the two of them closer together.

The week after graduation, they ran away and eloped.

The Morgan's were outraged. They claimed the two of them were too young, still kids, not ready for marriage or the responsibilities that came with it. Even Mr. Goode came out of his fog long to ask Zach if he was sure marriage was a responsibility Zach was for before slipping back under his grief.

Their warnings fell on deaf ears.

And for a while there, all seemed perfect. They moved into a small, one-bedroom apartment. Zach decided to forego moving across the country for school and instead got a job in construction through his uncle, while Cammie took classes at the community college and worked part-time as a waitress at the town's local diner.

They were making a life together.

But the fissures were already in their relationship, and they both had their own personal demons that stood in the way of their happily ever after.

The loss of Zach's mother haunted him. He mistook his love for Cammie as acceptance of his mother's death and moving on. The more time went on, the harder it was to hide his pain beneath the bliss he felt with Cammie. No matter how much Zach loved that laugh and that voice and that girl in the floral dress, it was only a matter of time before Zach's demons caught up with him.

And Cammie wasn't equipped to help him. She loved Zach, but she was not emotionally strong enough to support him as the mist of their young love faded and left them both facing reality. She could be his girl and by his side when he was jovial and in love and captivated by her presence and everything about his life pointed towards her. But she couldn't reciprocate that. She didn't know how to save him when she didn't understand what it was he needed saving from.

Romance twisted into resentment, and Zach saw as it happened, unable to stop it.

Her laugh changed. Its sweetness became bitter. It made him feel hollow.

Sweet words and kisses turned to angry words and arguments without resolution. Eventually the arguments dwindled too, and then there was just silence. Suffocating, hopeless silence.

The night of her twenty-first birthday, their friends threw her party. The two of them plastered on smiles and chatted with their friends. Later that evening, Jonas drew Zach aside.

"How's it going between you two?"

Zach shrugged. "We just need to get through…whatever this is. I love her, Jonas. I don't know what's happened to us, but I don't know what I'd do without her. I _need_ her."

Jonas considered his next words carefully. "I know you love her, Zach, but are you sure you guys are good for each other?"

Zach glared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Look at both of you, Zach. You're miserable."

Zach shook his head forcefully, unwilling to accept Jonas' words. "It's just a phase. We'll get through it. We can survive this."

He looked across the room to where Cammie stood, chatting with her friends. He remembered hearing her laugh at that first party. He'd known the second he'd heard that laugh that she was meant for him. She was meant to be his savior.

Wasn't she?

She had pulled him out of the darkness after his mother died. She had brought him back into the light with her laugh and smile and personality.

Hadn't she?

From the moment he'd heard that laugh, he'd been hers. He didn't know and didn't want to know how to separate himself from her.

Her eyes met his across the room. He searched them for some clue as to what she was thinking—he used to be able decipher her so easily. Now, looking into her eyes, it was like they were speaking different language with no translation dictionary.

When he woke up the next morning, she was out of bed already. He rose slowly, his head spinning. He'd gone a little heavy on the booze after his unsettling conversation with Jonas. It took him a moment to realize that the rest of the apartment was completely silent—no running water, no TV, no sounds coming from the kitchen. His bleary gaze fell on the closet door, which was slightly ajar.

"Cammie?" He called out, praying to hear her voice respond to him.

Nothing.

He reached the closet door and swung it all the open. Yesterday, the closet had been packed full of both of their clothes. Today, aside from a couple of old, ratty sweaters of hers, only his clothes were left.

And that was how Cammie Morgan left Zach Goode.

 _~i fixate on the last words you spoke to me like they're a fucking bible verse. not that they mean anything. but still, they're burned to my mind and so are you.~_

That was the morning, he'd look back on years later, that he finally and truly broke.

After that, Cammie cut all communications with him. No matter how many times he tried to reach out to her, she always shot him down. He found out through Liz that Cammie had moved back in with her parents.

A month after she moved out, the divorce papers arrived.

Three months after that, he found out she was seeing someone.

A year after that, he signed the last of the papers, severing the last of the ties to the love of his life. Grant and Jonas took him out that night, once again trying to keep his mind off tragedy, but it was no use.

Zach found that the only company that could take his mind off his pain was the kind that gave him a high BAC.

Just before his twenty-fifth birthday, he hit rock bottom. In quick succession, his father, who had never recovered from his mother's death, passed; he found out Cammie was engaged again; and his boss fired him for showing up drunk to work.

He ended up on Woodland Drive at three in the morning after his father's funeral. He sat on the curb, elbows balanced on his knee. In one hand, he had a bottle of his poison of choice, and in the other, he had his phone.

For a long time, he weighed his options.

He took a deep, uneven breath and looked down Woodland Drive. He remembered walking Cammie down this street. He remembered kissing her for the first time just a few feet from where he was. He remembered telling her all about his mom on her front porch. He remembered her laugh—no matter what he did, he could never forget the sound of that goddamn laugh.

And that hurt too much to bear.

Before he lost his courage, he tipped the bottle in his hand upside down and walked further down the street, the liquid tumbling down behind him. He searched his contacts for the only person he felt was within his reach and set the phone against his ear, letting it ring and ring.

He was about to hang up when he answered.

"Zach? What's wrong?"

"Uncle Joe, I know it's a bad time, but I-I need some help. I'm f-falling apart here."

There were no accusations, no questions other asking where Zach was. His uncle came and got him, pulling him up off the street and leaving behind the empty bottle.

"I just…I miss her so much." Zach said.

Joe wasn't sure which her Zach meant: his mother or Cammie. He supposed it didn't really matter.

And that was how Zach Goode began to exorcise his demons.

 _~i don't focus on any period of our time together. rather, i just think of you, smiling, breathing, living the best life you can.~_

They say the first year of sobriety is the hardest.

Zach Goode would agree.

He would be forever grateful to his uncle. He helped Zach find the help he needed and stay sober. Without him, Zach had no doubt he would still be lying on the cold, hard pavement of Woodland Drive—metaphorically, of course.

The craving never really went away. The desire to drown out his demons—to pretend they didn't exist—was still there. But Zach knew he needed to turn his life around.

Still, being sober meant facing all of his memories—of his mom and of Cammie. Years had passed, but the pain was still sharp, and he doubted it would ever dull. He'd never get the chance to speak with one of them again, but the other was still within his power to reach. By this time, nine years had passed since he'd last spoken with Cammie, and he was ready for closure. He needed it.

He was still in contact with Jonas who had finally gotten the guts to ask Liz out, and he knew she still talked to Cammie. It took him weeks before Liz caved and gave him his ex's number.

"You sure you can handle this?" Liz asked.

The concern didn't bother Zach like it had when his mother died. It had been a long process for him, but he'd matured. He'd accepted that there were things outside of his control, and that finding comfort in concern from others didn't mean he was weak. It just meant he was human.

"Yes."

It took him a few days to work up the nerve to call her. He practiced what he would say but it felt to scripted. Eventually, he gave up on being prepared for this call and dialed the number.

It went to voicemail.

"Uh, hi, Cammie. It's Zach. Zach Goode. Liz gave me your number and I, uh, would really appreciate it if we could meet for coffee or lunch. I heard you're back in Roseville so just give me a call back at this number. Bye."

He hung up. There was so much more he'd wanted to say, but it would have to wait until she called back—if she called back.

After a couple of painstakingly long days, she did.

They decided to meet at the local diner for a late lunch the next day.

He arrived first and took a seat at the corner booth. It was a bit more private, which he wanted for this conversation.

When she arrived, he stood up to greet her. Nine years had changed her so much, just as they had him. She still looked young and beautiful, but her eyes were old. She still had her athletic frame, but she dressed differently now. She'd turned into a sophisticated woman.

"Thanks for meeting me." He said.

"Sure. What did you want to talk about?" She said.

Her voice was still beautiful, but it was different than he remembered it. Still melodic, but lower. More mature.

"I wanted…I needed closure."

She stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

"When we met, I was in a dark place and I didn't fully grasp the effect that it would have on me. I jumped into a relationship thinking that it would make everything better, and it did for a while, but it was only a matter of time until the power of that faded. I loved you, Cammie, a part of me always will. But I was in no state then to be the kind of person I should've been for you."

"Zach…"

"I wasn't ready to face my issues. I used our relationship to hide from them, and then when that failed, I turned to alcohol." Cammie shifted in her seat, obviously uncomfortable with this conversation. But Zach knew how important it is to have. "You were like an addiction to me. I didn't know how to survive without you and it took me a long time to put myself back together."

At this, Cammie pursed her lips. "So what, I ruined your life? I left you so you became an alcoholic? Did you just call me to make me feel terrible about myself?"

"No! That's not what I mean. God, this is isn't coming out right." Zach instinctively reached for her hand on the table, but she pulled it away. "What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry, Cammie. I'm sorry for the way I treated you and took your love for granted and shut you out. I'm sorry for what we made each other. I'm sorry for what happened to us."

A tear streaked down cheek, and she wiped it away furiously.

Zach relaxed back into his seat. "I heard you got married. Congratulations."

She shook her head. "I was engaged. We broke it off, though."

"Why?"

She looked him straight in the eye. "I had my own issues to work through." She turned her head to look out the window. "It'd be wrong of me to let you take the full blame for what happened with us. We were young and in over our heads. We thought we could make it work—it's not unheard of—but we didn't really understand what we were doing. I've thought about what happened a lot over the years. Yeah, you refused to deal with your mother's death and that affected us, but…I didn't really know how to be responsible for someone else. I wasn't ready for that, and when I saw how much you really needed me—not just in the cute, romantic way, but in the serious, _substantial_ way—I panicked. And it was horrible of me, Zach. It was. So, I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for not being everything you needed, and for abandoning you entirely when I realized that."

And there it was: closure. Both of them had acknowledged the flaws within themselves that drove them apart, and both were still left standing.

They continued talking for another hour or so. Then, they parted ways with assurances to stay in touch. They hugged when they parted, and it was comforting, familiar.

A month later, Zach packed the last of his boxes into the moving truck and left Roseville. His uncle was expanding his construction company, and he'd asked Zach to help him set up the new branch in Richmond. Before he headed out on the highway, he drove down Woodland Drive one last time to say goodbye. Four years of therapy had prepared him for this moment.

A new family lived in his old house; a young couple with a toddler boy. It brought Zach a strange sense of peace to think that new, happy memories were replacing his tainted ones of that place. By chance, he saw Cammie on her parents' porch, playing and laughing with their dog. She didn't see him, and he thought it was fitting that their story together should start and end with him watching her laugh, free and unburdened.

And that was how Zach Goode let Cammie Morgan go.

That was the day that years later he would note as the day his life really began again.

Because Cammie Morgan changed Zach Goode's life: first for the better, then for the worse. But she was not the end of it.

 _~my life is marked by both your love and pain. my journey is marked by my own. now, i am my own person. and so are you.~_

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 **Zach's journey continues, but this story does not! Hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear what you think.**


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